Cabin in the Woods... Didn't those kids know better?

The characters in Cabin in the Woods are straight out of the American horror movie formula. Smart guy with an attitude, promiscuous girl, strong guy, girl who is smart and quiet and the guy she is supposed to fall in love with. Just in case we missed it, the overseers discuss in detail how they are making sure we have a cast of stereotypical horror movie victims. Pheromones, chemicals and other substances from the chemistry department ensure we get to see the horror movie to which we are accustomed. In fact, the order seems sadly predictable. By the midpoint of the movie I was left wondering, "Is this supposed to be commentary on bad horror movies?"

 We find the cabin, which looks eerily like the location used in Mama. I think I even recognized some of the furniture. Remember the little girls standing on top of the refrigerator... Check - its there. The main characters look as weary and disappointed as I do by this point in the movie. They are also oblivious to all of the same old horror movie setups. Why do they always have a keg?

Choose... which is reminiscent of the books they published for middle school children. Go to page 47 if you pick the book; go to page 102 if you pick the shovel. Had I known better, I would have chosen to stop on the first page. I think these kids should have as well. A horrible death awaits them... but the viewer might not be so lucky.

Some of the scenes are visually striking, like the eagle in flight around the mountain. However, they, as well as the movie in general, are ruined by the interruption of the overseers in the background. The eagle hits a force field and is vaporized. A man on the roof chronicles the kids' progress on their trip. All of this made me feel as if there would be no surprise in what happens. Which, in fact, was not correct. I was surprised by the cast of villains (all kickbacks to classic horror movies), and I was surprised by the ending. And I don't think I mean that in a good way. While the movie sorta makes you think, it only does so because it turned your brain to zombie mush by that point.

Then again, maybe I drank the punch. Early reviews called this movie, "the scariest movie of the year!" While it conjured a bit of camp a la 13 Ghosts, this film failed to live up to the hype. It just made me sad to be human. Don't watch it for a scare. If you don't know it is a comedy them you might be disappointed.

Fanboy verdict: **   2 stars for creativity, but I kinda want my Saturday back. Fanboy approved only if it is the only thing playing on SyFi at 2 a.m. Or if you are drinking with friends.

Summary and other opinions available at IMDb.